The Inner Contemplations of a Weary Mind
This post should be preceded by the warning that i sometimes create posts that are journalistic in nature... The need to express thoughts in words that i may read my heart and thus, in a way, counsel my own soul. Such is the following...
Several conversations emerged last night that have set my mind wondering...
A beautiful young girl expressed her desire to be with me... And i hold her at arms length, given i am eight years her senior.
A friend tells me that i need to sleep with as many girls as i can; to live youth to the fullest...
i'm told that i'm a great guy, however, am too nice... too grounded... not wild enough...
hm...
i suppose that my wild nature is of a somewhat different sort than is expected. While to some a "wildness" is seen by achieving as many 'notches' on one's belt as possible, "sowing the wild oats" so to speak, my personal tastes are of a different vintage. i prefer a dance in the rain, or a sudden trip to Italy or Ireland. i am of a mischievous sort that is an off-shoot of an imaginative mind. A bar is stifling to me, where a walk through the woods is teeming with life. Thus my apathy towards drunkenness, and my preference for scotch, wine, and delicious meals leaves me in an often awkward position; finding few within my own age who accept, let alone engage, in such activities.
Of late i have questioned my own safety as well. Although i believe that by nature i am a gentle man, a "nice" man, i wonder as to my safety. The man i dragged out from the bathroom closet last night, punching him in the head and nearly breaking his wrist, would hardly consider me a gentle or nice person. Nor do i have any desire to be gentle or nice in such a setting. i am reminded of a book by C. S. Lewis: The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe. "Is he (the Lion) safe?" "Safe? No. He is hardly safe. But he is good." I feel that change within me. Surely any man who carries a firearm with him at all times could hardly be considered safe. Yet if that man is good, he carries with him a "safety" that is only experienced by those who know his goodness. Those who desire evil against him and those he loves will hardly consider this good man "safe" when his power is unsheathed.
It is interesting, and a little comforting, to know that even now my character, my heart, continues to change. Hopefully it is for the best. i do not know what changes, good or ill, will occur on the morrow, however, i hope that it is for a deeper "wildness," a greater strength to be both "gentle" and "safe" for those i love, thus becoming more dangerous to those who would do ill, and a lively imagination and mischievousness that always brings a taste of spice to the tongue.
Several conversations emerged last night that have set my mind wondering...
A beautiful young girl expressed her desire to be with me... And i hold her at arms length, given i am eight years her senior.
A friend tells me that i need to sleep with as many girls as i can; to live youth to the fullest...
i'm told that i'm a great guy, however, am too nice... too grounded... not wild enough...
hm...
i suppose that my wild nature is of a somewhat different sort than is expected. While to some a "wildness" is seen by achieving as many 'notches' on one's belt as possible, "sowing the wild oats" so to speak, my personal tastes are of a different vintage. i prefer a dance in the rain, or a sudden trip to Italy or Ireland. i am of a mischievous sort that is an off-shoot of an imaginative mind. A bar is stifling to me, where a walk through the woods is teeming with life. Thus my apathy towards drunkenness, and my preference for scotch, wine, and delicious meals leaves me in an often awkward position; finding few within my own age who accept, let alone engage, in such activities.
Of late i have questioned my own safety as well. Although i believe that by nature i am a gentle man, a "nice" man, i wonder as to my safety. The man i dragged out from the bathroom closet last night, punching him in the head and nearly breaking his wrist, would hardly consider me a gentle or nice person. Nor do i have any desire to be gentle or nice in such a setting. i am reminded of a book by C. S. Lewis: The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe. "Is he (the Lion) safe?" "Safe? No. He is hardly safe. But he is good." I feel that change within me. Surely any man who carries a firearm with him at all times could hardly be considered safe. Yet if that man is good, he carries with him a "safety" that is only experienced by those who know his goodness. Those who desire evil against him and those he loves will hardly consider this good man "safe" when his power is unsheathed.
It is interesting, and a little comforting, to know that even now my character, my heart, continues to change. Hopefully it is for the best. i do not know what changes, good or ill, will occur on the morrow, however, i hope that it is for a deeper "wildness," a greater strength to be both "gentle" and "safe" for those i love, thus becoming more dangerous to those who would do ill, and a lively imagination and mischievousness that always brings a taste of spice to the tongue.
posted by Ida125 at 6:10 AM
5 Comments:
Nice. Just remember that a lot of the gals you'll meet in Tulsa aren't exactly looking for what you might call a "good" man.
And stay Unsafe. It means you're alive.
So...the play is over! You have your life back.
Good to see you yesterday, and thanks for holding down the fort during the big W!
You need a break;R's D
So an update??? What is new in the world of this cute TPD officer?
PS check out my blog... I have updated it three times since I have been back in Texas (for a week)!!!!
I once knew a man who had a heart full of mistery and danger but in the depths of his soul was safty. His heart was pure. That is what is important. A good man is hard to find and though many women will not acknowledge that that is their desire. Their desire stands non the less. The one to be with is your bride. She will bless you for your courage to turn away all others.
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