The end of the GRE...

Thursday morning i took a drive through the city. There was no real destination or stop in mind. The reality was that i had spent the last 24 hours staring at my computer attempting to understand various mathematical principles. Sadly, not even the explanations to the answers were making any sense. So i decided that the best thing for me to do was get in the car and just drive for a little while. Figured it was a better (not to mention safer) stress relief than drinking lots and lots of scotch. (though with the currect cost of gasoline it would have been cheaper to consume the scotch!) After my drive i returned to my twilight zone experience of studying for the GRE.

The test itself reared a rather ugly head and several times i had to fight the trained response to physically attack the threat. i found my hand subconsciously feeling for the area where my sidearm usually resides. Suppose the foresight that this stimuli/response action would occur thus leading me to leave the weapon in my car proved to be an intelligent move. i can only imagine the headlines... "Tulsa Police Officer Initiates Deadly Force on GRE Test... Officer stated that he was 'in fear for his life'."

At the conclusion of the test i was given my scores for the analytical and quantitative parts of the test. The scores were 600 and 590. The scores for the two essays won't come in for another two weeks. I have no clue how good or poor those scores are... however i was told that they were good for only having two days preperation, not to mention being two years out of college and not having had a math course in six years. To add insult to injury, i recieved a message from an admissions counselor in the grad program i'm looking into at OSU. She said that i could have taken the Millsat test instead. Apparently that test focuses more on the subject area that i am involved in. Chances are i would have done better on that test. Figures.

So here i am with a GRE under the belt, feeling much like a millstone has been removed from my back, and i decide that i need to treat myself. It is time for a present. i had the fortunate blessing to come into some money and figured i should put it to good use. There is no wife, not even a girlfriend in my life... no children... bills are being paid... figured now was the best time to buy myself an expensive gift. Hooked up with my buddy J who owns a cafe and a cigar store and spent a couple hours studying something that wasn't related to geometry, algebra, or some other form of math. Now J is like a role model of sorts for me. He owns two stores, has a beautiful wife pregnant with their second child, and has a lot of culture and class. Not to mention he is just an all around fun guy. We met up at his cigar shop and i proceeded to purchase a beautiful humidor. It is a dark red wood with a glass top and humidity gauge built into the front. It can hold roughly 125 cigars. Once we got the humidor squared away it was time to properly stock it. J picked out 18 different cigars, two of each, of various sizes, body, and countries. Some of the best cigars were from his own collection. We had a lesson on how to age cigars, and which types are the best with different meals, drinks, and temperatures. All in all, i'm set for a long time. Which is good because some of the cigars i got still need a couple more years of aging. i must say it was a great way to unwind after taking that horrendous GRE.

Now can someone smarter than me please tell me if those were decent scores?

Lent, the final day...

Good Friday is over, and the Easter Vigil awaits... thus ending Lent. Needless to say i am taking off Monday night and my friends at work are taking me out.

Many interesting thoughts have traveled through my mind since last i wrote... the range of which has been slightly extraordinary. Such range starting with, "i'm going to kill my cats..." and ending with, "the socio, cultural, and moral aspects of contraceptives..." Sometimes, more often than not, my mind is a beehive swarming with individual thoughts, each trying to create its own vintage of honey... the activity is busiest when sleep is the most desirable... figures.

i find that money frustrates me to an almost ulcer-producing level. It is not the lack or abundance thereof, more so the necessity. If i could have my way, i would go to my job two days a week, spend another two in a lab/classroom studying the human mind alongside Raoul, spend another day within the federal government in the pursuit of violent repeat criminal offenders, (profiling serial killers, sex crimes, etc.), and spend my Sundays studying religion. My free time would be spent in the theatre, and conducting marriage counseling. There would also be several sabbaticals in which i would write books, and maybe produce/act in a few movies. Politics would eventually follow later on after i gained enough experience to somewhat know what i was talking about on various issues. There would also be much traveling to foreign countries, and additional university time spent on philosophy, accounting, English, and foreign languages.

The reality is that although i attempt to accomplish as much of this as i currently can, i find that many doors remain shut due to financial or spatial reasons. It is not possible for me to work a job two days a week and still purchase food and shelter. It is not possible for me to study the human miracle at a good university with Raoul, and still live and work where i am. Nor is it possible or affordable to once again become a full time student, and yet travel to foreign countries, or be involved in politics or large-scale criminal investigations. If i didn't have to worry about basic cost of living expenses, student loans, work for reasons of necessity, i feel like i could accomplish so much more. i suppose the challenge is learning how to accomplish the most possible with the choices that you have made, and learn to make choices in the future that will promote an increasingly fertile environment to produce more of what i desire to accomplish.

Hm... that was a rather interesting vent... (debating whether or not i should delete all of that)

Well, my task force assignment has ended and i am back on regular assignment... which means i am back on graveyard shift and answering calls. i must say i got kind of spoiled not answering calls for service, going to work in jeans, and doing all of the exciting aspects of the job, i.e. running through a graveyard chasing bad guys/kicking down the doors to houses with guns blazing. (Note - we will NOT be publishing my mother's comments on the task force assignment ending.)

My friends at work have scheduled me for another blind date... Although i had a choice in the matter, i don't think i really had a choice in the matter. It should be interesting regardless. i shall mention all the details afterwards (unless of course those details would produce a certain degree of embarrassment or otherwise reflect overly negative upon the lady... if its really bad i'll just say i used Mr. M's excuse of an "asthma attack")

i am feeling the increasing desire to return to Chile again soon. It was a very beautiful country with very beautiful people. (and i am not simply referring to the young ladies! though, granted, there were quite a few of those. South/Central American women have such an exquisite beauty about them, as i am sure Quijote can agree) I have decided to apply myself in learning the language, and have recently started estudio espanol, along with the GRE (which i am frightfully taking next week.)

Such as it is i will be looking forward to the near conclusion of Lent because my desire for an excellent glass of red wine has grown considerably over the past several weeks. And speaking of wine and the GRE, i found it rather humorous that a friend of mine whom i asked to write a recommendation for my grad school app mentioned that my greatest weaknesses where women, wine and cigars... in that order. It is yet to be determined whether it was funny because it was written on the grad school app for counseling psychology, or the fact that for all intensive purposes it is essentially accurate.

Lent, the blind date, the shoulder, and presbyterian church...

Yes, Lent continues on...

i must say that i find it ironic that since Lent, and thus my abandonment of alcohol, began i have been struck with several instances in which i wanted nothing more than a glass of scotch... or pinot... or vodka. i know that once Lent is over with the frustrating situations that have plagued my life will disapear and i will no longer have such a desire for a shot of vodka. Though i imagine i will still be craving a glass of pinot...

Went on a date tonight... or, more accurately, attempted to go on a date tonight. She didn't come. Which was slightly disheartening... Though i can't really blame her because it was really an issue of miscommunication. Not that that makes it any less disheartening. The reality is that i am just frustrating with the whole "dating" animal. Its time i pulled out my shotgun and hunted the beast... (and to answer Valparaiso check the previous blog's comments)

Yeah, so last week/weekend was very painful. i noticed about a week and a half ago that there was a small red bump on my shoulder. i didn't think anything of it until i got off the plane in Virginia and my whole arm and shoulder were throbbing with pain. The next four days of my vacation were plagued by this bump on my shoulder that continued to grow in size and its production of pain. It was constant. By the time i flew home i needed someone to carry my luggage. It was about five inches long and almost two inches deep (though i couldn't really tell how deep it was). Saw the Dr. about it first thing in the morning. Discovered it was some kind of cyst or absese or some other medical term which meant "blood pooling." Doc took a look at it and said, "Yeah, we're going to need to lance that." To which i responded,

"You going to what that?"
"I'm going to have to lanc-.... you're not armed are you?"
"No, Doc. Can't even lift a gun it hurts so bad."
"Oh, okay. I'm going to take a scapel and cut your shoulder open to drain the blood."
"Oh! Yeah! You will be knocking me out first."
"Local anesthetic is the best i can do."
"Yeah, you're lucky i'm not armed."

Doc then proceeded to stab me in the shoulder with the anesthetic which took the edge off of what was a very painful little cut. And the blood flowed... oh did it ever flow... The nurse said to me that it looked extremely painful and that if she was having it done she would be screaming. i casually mentioned that if she wasn't in the room and it was just me and the Doc, i would be screaming; but being as she was there i had to maintain a certain level of masculine and law enforcement dignity. i succeded... barely. The shoulder is doing much better now, and i was given hydrocodone (hallelujia chorus). i wasn't supposed to return to work until several days later, after my check up, but i was bored and went back to work anyway. We were running another search warrant and i didn't want to miss out on the fun. Sarg said i could go as long as i wasn't taking any heavy meds like hydrocodone. Yes, he specifically stated "hydrocodone." I casually stated that i hadn't taken any since lunch. Yeah, i was put at the back of the line.

The warrant itself was actually pretty funny because when we served it no one was home. So we all waited inside and whenever someone showed up and opened the door they were greeted with a dozen guns pointed at them. Really wish i would have had a camera for the facial expressions!

Anyway, went back for my check up and the Doc was suprized that my shoulder had healed so well. Apparently the bug he thought caused it wasn't actually it and he had given me the wrong antibiotic. Oh well, its all good now. i'm back to chasing bad guys... and desecrating graves.

Okay, i suppose that needs an explenation. We were hunting these two armed robbery/attempted homicide suspects. We knew one was in a car that we were tailing and we thought the other one was in this house that butted up against a graveyard. Some of our guys were following the car while one of our guys was hiding behind a tombstone. I was behind a building waiting for the green light from the guy in the graveyard. Next thing i know, buddy is yelling in the radio that the Suspect has left the house, spotted him, and is aggressing him in the graveyard. So another guy and myself and haul A over there, hop out of our cars, and start running through this graveyard at 2am, jumping over tombstones chasing this guy. The suspect sees he's outnumbered and begins running away... and promptly disapears. i mean, this guy just vanishes. Upside was that five minutes later we stopped the car and both the Suspects we were looking for were inside. Still have no idea where the poltergiest went.

On a calmer side of life i decided to visit a presbyterian church this past week. Suppose i must blame Raoul for that. I had a good conversation with the pastor and the congregation seemed suprisingly friendlier than i had expected. Of, course, what i really enjoyed was that a bunch of the guys like to hang out, drink german beer, smoke cigars, and discuss various intellectual topics. Now thats something i can get into. Ah, well, we'll see how it goes....