Praesideo et Ministro

Lent and the 103 Fever...

2007-03-11T13:04:00.000-07:00

Maybe i have been working too hard... maybe not having a day off since January, except to be with Jennie over my birthday... well, whatever. i hate being sick. Figured i would try to go to work anyway, but i had trouble moving. So i called in sick...

Felt even worse because i missed Bugs wedding reception party... my 'rents had a good time though. (Sorry Bugs/Bobby)

So my parents come over with chicken soup and ginger ale. They are great. Dad told me that i needed to take a day off each week to prevent this. Mum told me that i needed to stop smoking cigars. Which lead me to my next thought... i got sick after i gave up cigars for lent... hm... maybe the reason that i'm sick is because i gave up cigars for lent. If i had continued smoking cigars i wouldn't have gotten sick. Might just need to smoke one, could be good medicine!

Jennie has been absolutely wonderful during my time of ailment... staying on the phone with me as i have groaned and complained... this girl really is wonderful. She has also chewed me out as i've been like, "oh, the fever is now down to 100, i can go run some errands." Yeah, i hate being sick. Think i need a cigar to help me feel better...

Lent... again...

2007-02-25T05:48:00.000-08:00

So we are back at that wonderful time of year... Lent... After failing miserably at Lent last year with attempting to sacrifice alcohol, i have decided this year to sacrifice cigars... it has been a long three days... 37 more to go...

There are also various moments in life where i am comforted with the fact that human nature guarantees my job security. Many of these moments would be avoided if people would give up alcohol for Lent, but seeing as how i failed miserably at doing so last year, i hardly have faith in the lusher members of society. One of these lushes decided to take his SUV off-roading last night... through a shopping center. The SUV wound up between a tailor shop and a bookstore, replacing the dividing wall and bookshelves. A book with the title "Bad Move" rested on the hood. The driver, momentarily sober (and unsurprisingly and disappointingly unhurt), managed to crawl from the wreckage and vanish, most likely seeking more alcohol to forget the incident and thus claim plausible denyability. Two stores down from the wreckage was my favorite pizza joint. This drunk was lucky... very, very lucky... take away my NY pizza joint and no one will find (or miss) you. For a short video clip of this wonderful moment in life, visit my MySpace account.

On happier notes, my birthday was the best birthday i've ever had ever! Going to thank Jennie for that one. Valentines Day was the best ever too... also Jennie's fault. Earlier in the week i got my nose burned in an attempt to finally cease the string of bloody noses that have been plaguing me for the past two months. The doc, God bless him, had to have been at least 65. Poor old guy kept missing where he was trying to cauterize and hitting the parts of my nose that hadn't been anesthetized. Sigh. No, no, its ok, i like the smell of my own flesh burning! Feels good too! Oh well.

Well, its late... ok, its 0800... am... but that's late for me. Time for bed. Sigh... 36 more days...

Still alive... just sleeping...

2007-02-06T02:53:00.000-08:00

No, no i'm not dead... though a few more hours of sleep would be nice...

...and now that i've finally remembered my password to this site i can update. yeah, yeah, i know... i'll expect beatings with wet noodles and the like to follow shortly...

so where was i?

ah, yes... life... and what has been filling it over the past several months...

i'm currently sitting in my patrol unit at work... we are in the winter months so the call load has been slightly milder, yet i have still maintained my moments of sheer excitement within the hours of boredom. recently i witnessed a miracle of sorts... sometimes something is so difficult to carry that it has to be seen from an angle perpendicular to the way it is facing... and sometimes in seeing it in that new light a small miracle of sorts can be seen that would have passed unnoticed otherwise. a few nights ago i watched a two month old baby die. to say that the parents intentionally killed their child would probably be inaccurate... its just that when your drunk and high you tend not to notice things... like your baby dying... that's when you see the miracle of a God that suffers not the little children to come unto Him, and a beautiful little baby that is no longer suffering.

sigh...

on a different and very less emotionally draining subject, i received my stop sticks a couple of weeks ago. these things work great on a pursuit. in fact, as i was getting them installed in my unit i casually laughed and said it would be ironic if i got into a pursuit that night... and it was. after dropping a juvenile off at her parent's house i get on the highway just as a vehicle passes me at 100+mph. i finally catch up with it, oh, about 6 miles later as it exits off of the highway. driver actually stops for me. to say that the driver was intoxicated would be an understatement. after a brief and unsuccessful attempt to play the name game, i command the driver to exit the vehicle. he decided instead, apparently using all four of his brain cells to make his decision, to throw the vehicle in drive and slam on the gas. he skids in the sand left over from the last ice storm and runs over a median. ironically enough my backer does the same exact thing and crashes into the bad guy. bad guy manages to get free however, and takes off with me following close behind. my backer was stuck.

now there is an unspoken rule when it comes to vehicle pursuits... when you are calling out your speeds over the radio never give your accurate speed, always drop it down 10-20mph. yet once you break 100mph, it doesn't really matter. so once i broke 120 i cancelled the pursuit. the closest backer was miles off, and i really didn't want to hit a patch of sand or black ice at 120mph. pictures of Jennie kept flashing in my mind, and i do so really want to see her again. i cut my lights and siren, and turn around.

now because the bad guy used all four of his brain cells to decide to run from me, he left none available for anything else... like driving... about three minutes after i terminated the pursuit and turned around, a single car collision went out. i turn back around and when i arrive on the scene i see ol' boy crying like a baby over his wrecked car (that happened to be 600 feet off the road in a field). he really started crying when i put him in handcuffs... and again when i found his methamphetamine... and his marijuana... his $2700... and, now that i had his real name, the four warrants for his arrest. i almost felt bad when i told him that his money and car now belonged to the department... almost... well... okay, actually it felt really good to rub that fact in! that doesn't make me too mean, does it?

i recently got a camera in my patrol unit, so i will be sure to record the next pursuit i am in for all of your viewing pleasure... and i promise i won't make it as annoying as those stupid world's wildest police chases tv shows.

the theatre has beckoned and i am in another show at sapulpa community theatre. this is my third show there now, and the second in which i am shirtless... don't ask. i said don't ask! (no, raoul, no... these are legitimate shows written by legitimate playwrights. sigh...) anyway, performances are this weekend and next, which brings me to this coming weekend and all the joys that it will bring... i.e... Jennie!

yes, the girlfriend who does exist, regardless of what raoul and quixote think (just because you don't believe it, doesn't mean it isn't true). my time out in nyc over new years with her was, well, definitely exciting. her cousin got married over that weekend, so i got to meet the entire family at the wedding. it was also a nice growing point in our relationship because Jennie got to experience first hand the fact that i can't dance; and the fact that she danced with me anyway solidified the fact that i'm crazy about the her. oh, and i caught the garter... it was slightly embarrassing (raoul, you are forbidden from comment). it should also be mentioned that Jennie looked absolutely stunning in the dress she wore, which isn't all that different from how she normally looks... oh well.

the rest of the trip was filled with movies (and for the record, galaxy quest, though hilarious, is not a romantic flick), shows at the lincoln center (lookin' good in the mirror!), and much delicious food. mmm... pizza... real pizza... i also managed to get myself lost in the east village one night, which was a rather frustrating experience. i haven't proven my theory yet, but i think that the east village is the bermuda triangle of new york city. oh, and the little bronze statues scattered among the subway terminals are slightly disturbing. so glad that i had my "emotional support" with me, even though it meant more paperwork at the airport.

there is much happiness and anticipation as the days when Jennie arrives draw closer. Mr and Mrs M., i will definitely bring her by the house. hopefully you can help me convince your wayward sons that an amazing and beautiful young lady is, in fact, willingly dating me. until then i am going to continue looking forward to holding my girl this weekend, and come to grips with the fact that next week i will be officially closer to 30 than i am to 20. sigh...

Shotgun Application...

2006-11-03T10:44:00.000-08:00

i got this new pair of gloves the other day. i love them. they have a kevlar panel that goes over the knuckles. hee hee hee! oh, they are sweet! getting the gloves required a little bit of an adrenaline rush however...

my buddy calls me and says, "hey, i've got the gloves, meet me at such and such location..." no problem, on my way... i'm about a half a mile off and i see a vehicle driving without its headlights on. i decide to go ahead and stop it, and tell my buddy to back me on the stop. i walk up to the car with every intention of giving the driver that, "dumbass, you forgot to turn on your headlights" speech (i had gotten a look at the occupants while i was turning around, all looked to be about 19-22). So i begin my speal when i look down and see a loaded banana clip for an SKS assault rifle sitting on this guy's lap... yeah.

i command the guy to throw me the clip, which he does, when my buddy shows up. Now this cop is a lightning rod. He also happens to be one of the best shots with any gun in the state. He quickly sees what's going on and grabs his shotgun. i see this and think, "hey! good idea, i'm going to run and grab my shot-... nevermind."

We clear the car and secure the occupants. No rifle is found. Driver says its at his house. So i run these guys and they both come back in the system as being career criminals with previous charges for armed robbery. No convictions... yet. Unbelievable. Crazy thing was... other than issuing a ticket for driving at night with no headlights, there wasn't anything i could charge them with. There was a rather length stern lecture about driving with a loaded banana clip on your lap.

Seven hours later, (its always an hour before the shift ends!) i wind up taking a 22 year old to jail for her 3rd DUI in the past 2 years. Second time in a week that i have taken someone to jail with 3 or more DUIs. Someone explain to me why these people are still driving? The last guy was the only one who didn't go to the hospital from the wreck he caused... yeah...

Shotgun theory...

2006-10-24T16:26:00.000-07:00

Had requals this past week for the Department. Every six months we have to go to the range, on-duty, and requalify with our firearms. I particularly enjoy the fall requals because it is still very dark out when i shoot (0600). I prefer to shoot in a lighting environment that it similar to that which i work in. Anyway... i am there with my buddy Opie (yeah, Little Rascals).

First round with the pistol... 70... ok, relax, breathe...
Second round with the pistol... 95... that's more like it.
Opie, not to be undone by an older officer, decided that he had to shoot a 95 as well. Sigh. Rookies.

Now i am quite proud with this 95 because it upgrades my medal to a Master, which is the highest medal you can achieve for shooting. Also, the one round that i "missed" from the 50 yard line hit the target in the neck just between the two circles for headshot and bodyshot. So it isn't like i "missed" the target.

Now on to the shotgun...

First round... 68 buckshot... 6 slug... non-qualifying... ok...
Second round... 60 buckshot... too low to even shoot the slugs afterwards.... great.

And there went my shotgun...

Somebody explain to me how i can shoot a PISTOL from 50 yards away and achieve Master level scores, but when i pull out my SHOTGUN, the weapon that you give people who can't aim, the "just aim in the general direction and click" gun, i can barely hit the target, with any of the 8 pellets per shell, from 20 yards away!

Sigh......... needless to say i had to go back and requalify the next day in order to get my shotgun back. I requalified with it... barely... scoring the absolute minimum you can score and still keep the gun...

So i wonder what weapon i will use in a gunfight...

The Long Awaited Return...

2006-10-15T23:06:00.000-07:00

Where to begin?

It has been a very crazy few months. What with work, court, grad school, and extra jobs there has been very little time for anything else... such as sleep. After a brief chat with the Sergeant, it was advised (i.e. ordered) to cut back. I agreed. Figured the best way to start that was with a vacation... thus began the long awaited return home... to New York City.

I love New York City. Felt so great to be there. Saw a couple of shows... ate tons of great food! The food is reason enough for me to move back there. Yeah... and, um... sorta kinda met a girl...

Okay, was actually introduced by a mutual friend back in April... should clarify that. Things recently reached the point however where my inner monolouge was saying, "hm... you're not pushing her away... warning! warning!" So while i was in NYC visiting family and friends i decided to make a surprise visit to a place in Astoria... not too long after that there was this great night involving a walk on the beach, moonlight, a lighthouse, and fireworks. The thing that continues to surprise me is the stillness that i feel. Amidst the excitement and "freak out" of having a fresh relationship there is a blanket of calmness that covers everything. It has been so long since i have felt a peace about anyone that it caught me off guard. Still trying to figure out what to do next...

Now i am back from the great NYC, and sitting in the rain. i much prefer sleeping in the rain as oppossed to working, however there is something rather nice about sitting in the patrol car smoking a cigar while watching the rain come down. That and the long awaited return to blogging. Though at this point it should also be mentioned that my evil MySpace page has been blooming nicely. Yeah, yeah, i know... 50 m0re years in Purgatory... sigh... building that house nicely...

A Note...

2006-09-26T09:26:00.000-07:00

Just dropping a quick note to let everyone know that i haven't died... just been swamped with work, court, extra shifts, and grad school. My vacation to NYC can't come soon enough... still trying to decide whether or not i will be on the return flight...

The Longest Transmission...

2006-09-16T18:09:00.000-07:00

The longest walk...
The longest prayer...
The longest memory...
The longest stare...

The longest line.......

Attention all Officers... Attention all Officers... we have an Emergency Button Activation for Officer Jared Shoemaker... All Officers respond...

Officer Jared Shoemaker 10-90?

...

Officer Jared Shoemaker 10-90?

...

...

Officer Jared Shoemaker 10-90?

...

...

...

(Chief D. Been) "Attention all Officers. Officer Jared Shoemaker is 10-7."

...

...

...

United States Marine Corporal and Tulsa Police Officer Jared Shoemaker
April 22, 1977 - September 4, 2006
Killed in the Line of Duty
You will always be a Hero

10-91

2006-09-07T10:02:00.000-07:00

Sometimes it takes a death right in front of you to recognize not only the frailty of life, but also the reality that you only have one shot at it... having said that...

Relationships. Sigh. I spent last Sunday night walking along a private beach in Galvaston while the sun was setting. I should have stayed there. Back at work and on my way to a domestic. Baby's daddy keeps showing up and harrassing her and her new boyfriend. Ex-con, gang member, on file for nearly everything you can be on file for... sigh. Leave that domestic to go to another one down the street. Call comes in, white male beating white female in parking lot. Catch the girl speeding away. Spend some time talking with her. 19. Doens't want to leave him because she is in love with him, and she will never feel that way again... sigh. Spend the next 10 minutes trying to instill some sense of self-worth in this confused little girl.

We are not cats... we do not have 9 lives, we have 1. Life needs to be lived with that in mind. It breaks my heart when people do not even have enough self-respect to leave an abusive situation, or enough sense to stop entering into such relationships. Sometimes i feel like i am more of an emergency relationship counselor than a cop. "You have ONE life people! Stop mucking it up!"

i need to go back to my happy place... walking waist deep in the water... feeling the waves crash over me... watching the sunset... sigh...

Peace

2006-08-28T23:41:00.000-07:00

The Divine has graced me with quiet, peaceful shifts since the suicide. For that i am grateful...

Grad school started last week. It is going to be interesting studying and writing papers again. Research... great. i would much rather conduct evil experiments on corruptable behavior along with Raoul. One of my professors explained to the class that the semester would have a lot of "critical incident" training. He then went on to explain how none of us have probably ever dealt with a suicidal subject, or someone who had just been raped, or handle a death notification. It is important to him that we know what to say when one of our clients expresses suicidal thoughts. i just silently chuckled.

On other notes, i am taking the long dirty drive back down to Houston this weekend. My Mets are playing... i'm sorry, annihilating... the Astros at Minute Maid Park this weekend. Thinking i might have to go armed considering my family will be the only Mets fans in the stadium. Could get ugly.

Now if you'll excuse me... i need to go shoot roman candles at my buddy who just fell asleep in his patrol car... BWAHAHAHAHA!!!

On the Other Side of War...

2006-08-22T05:23:00.000-07:00

Almost killed someone last night... it was suppossed to be a quiet night. Running on two hours of sleep. Then the very frequent and often false Shots Heard call turned into a Shots Fired. Then the Shots Fired turned into a Suicidal Subject with a Firearm. He left the location after firing a few rounds and was wondering the neighborhood. The helicopter found him... and i was a block away...

i talked with him as long as i could... never could get him to take the gun from out of his mouth. Then he started to walk towards me... i almost had to shoot him... and then he shot himself...

Then there was peace... but only for some...

Suicide... his time to go...

2006-08-15T09:20:00.000-07:00

i have spent most of this summer successfully convincing myself that i need to take a day off of work. Thus the frequent, short, vacations that have spontaneously cropped up over the past several months. (yet another will come over labor day weekend... Mets vs. Astros tickets! Sweet! Mets are going to win the series this year, i can feel it!)

These short lived and enjoyable vacations are immediately followed by an insane night at work. It is as if the fates decide that since i have been absent i must pay my sacrifice to the gods by working three times as hard as normal. Thus was the case last night.

Every single call last night was connected to St. Francis Hospital. Ironically enough, i really like that place. The RNs and Drs and Techs there are just beautiful people. (there are a lot of mischievious acts that occur quite frequently, he he he) First call up there is a woman who has been beaten outside her house. Both arms broken, among other injuries. She has "no idea" who did this to her. Right. While investigating that, one of the RNs comes in and tells me that there is a fight in the parking lot outside the ER. My backer and i rush outside to see a woman with blood all over her face and clothes, and a vehicle speeding away. We catch the vehicle... and "apprehend" the Suspect. He promptly states that his wife broke her own nose... in two different places... and the blood on his fist is from where she scratched him... right.

Return from jail and finish the report to get yet another call from St. Francis... psych ward... 90 year old man decides to end his life... by swallowing his watch... and his wedding ring... That would be suicide number 40 this year... dad was out on homicide 43 Friday night. That homicide was a 17 year old boy. The kid who killed him wanted his girlfriend. She wouldn't break up with him, so this kid shot him in the head. Yeah.

i am now home and have finished my beer. i feel much better.

on a completely different note, i start grad school next week and i am completely stoked! (never thought i would ever hear myself say that)

Wedding? i love weddings! Drinks all around!

2006-07-26T23:09:00.000-07:00

This update is at the much demanded request of Raoul...

i have just arrived into town from having spent the past two weeks away. Both of my trips to various locations around the midwest have been at the demand of weddings. On my long drive home today i realized something... Bugs just got married, Raoul just got engaged, my friend Little Bit just got married, my other friend John just tied the knot... and my grandfather now has a girlfriend. Apparently there is some flu going around that my body's intense immune system has been adequately fighting off.

i shall now return to my coffee, cigars, wine, and literature...

In the spirit of grad school i have purchased a notebook. The wireless internet connection has been of particular entertainment. I have noticed that the number of tickets i write has taken a sharp decline because i am parked behind a Starbucks surfing the infamous "world wide web." And speaking of that beast, i have recently succombed to the masses and created a myspace page. Yes, i know, at least ten years in Purgatory for that one... Father almost excommunicated me out of the Church after confession. i have no idea what the webpage is so good luck finding it. Happy hunting!

A Normal Life...

2006-07-12T21:17:00.000-07:00

Greetings to all the fellow travelers on this road of perdition and salvation... it is with pleasure and a trove of stories and statements that i return.

First, a big congratulations to Beth and Bobby, who shall now be referred to as Bothy. Also, it made me very happy to hear that Raoul finally learned how to kneel... you are my hero... (S-, good luck!)

Nobody knew this, but just so you now know, i am feeling much better. i spent a good week sick in bed a couple of weeks ago. Not too sure what caused it... i KNOW that it wasn't beer. i think that it was a bad piece of chicken from a chinese restuarant, but can't say for sure. All i know is that i felt like i was in a painful dream without the ability to wake up. My mother was kind enough to come by the house and being me chicken soup and ginger ale. My father on the other hand called and said for me to get my own wife to take care of me, he wanted his back. Sigh.

i purchased a notebook the other day. Didn't really intend too... my mini-DVD player broke and i went to buy a new one for my extra job. My feet brought me to the notebook section and i discovered one that was on sale for a great deal; and keeping with my family blood and it's inability to pass up a great deal, i got it. It's a Toshiba with a lot of ram, which i'm told is a good thing. i justified the purchase by saying that it would be very nice to have for grad school. Hey, let me enjoy my excuses.

And in other news my 91 year old, recently widowed Grandfather now has a girlfriend. Sigh, that man is Italian through the bone. It is a younger girl too, which means 84. The family is all going nuts over it. So am i actually, but mainly because i can't get over the fact that my 91 year old GRANDFATHER has a girlfriend and i do not. No comment.

Work has been steady. Had a few rough calls over the last month. Found a lost two year old girl in a bad apartment complex at three in the morning. Girl was screaming. When we got to the shelter she wouldn't let go of my neck. She just kept clinging on to me. i gave her a stuffed animal. Sqeezed the stuffing out of it. Broke my heart.

Then on a quiet Monday morning i get a call to assist Highway Patrol. As i approach the area i'm advised by dispatch that it is reference to a collision between a sports car and a semi, with at least one possible fatility. So now i'm running code, and as i look in my rearview mirror i can see an ambulance about 1/4 mile behind me following suit. i wind up getting to the scene at the same time as the fire department. We step out on the highway, which is at a complete stop, and discovered this blue sports car that has been turned into a convertible. The young (19) female passenger is moaning, so the seatbelt is cut and we get her out just as the ambulance pulls up. Myself and a fireman look at the driver. Then we pull out a thin blue blanket from the back of the ambulance...

"Why can't i just have a normal life, Doc?"
"There is no normal life, Wyatt, just life."

The Inner Contemplations of a Weary Mind

2006-06-19T06:10:00.000-07:00

This post should be preceded by the warning that i sometimes create posts that are journalistic in nature... The need to express thoughts in words that i may read my heart and thus, in a way, counsel my own soul. Such is the following...

Several conversations emerged last night that have set my mind wondering...

A beautiful young girl expressed her desire to be with me... And i hold her at arms length, given i am eight years her senior.

A friend tells me that i need to sleep with as many girls as i can; to live youth to the fullest...

i'm told that i'm a great guy, however, am too nice... too grounded... not wild enough...

hm...

i suppose that my wild nature is of a somewhat different sort than is expected. While to some a "wildness" is seen by achieving as many 'notches' on one's belt as possible, "sowing the wild oats" so to speak, my personal tastes are of a different vintage. i prefer a dance in the rain, or a sudden trip to Italy or Ireland. i am of a mischievous sort that is an off-shoot of an imaginative mind. A bar is stifling to me, where a walk through the woods is teeming with life. Thus my apathy towards drunkenness, and my preference for scotch, wine, and delicious meals leaves me in an often awkward position; finding few within my own age who accept, let alone engage, in such activities.

Of late i have questioned my own safety as well. Although i believe that by nature i am a gentle man, a "nice" man, i wonder as to my safety. The man i dragged out from the bathroom closet last night, punching him in the head and nearly breaking his wrist, would hardly consider me a gentle or nice person. Nor do i have any desire to be gentle or nice in such a setting. i am reminded of a book by C. S. Lewis: The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe. "Is he (the Lion) safe?" "Safe? No. He is hardly safe. But he is good." I feel that change within me. Surely any man who carries a firearm with him at all times could hardly be considered safe. Yet if that man is good, he carries with him a "safety" that is only experienced by those who know his goodness. Those who desire evil against him and those he loves will hardly consider this good man "safe" when his power is unsheathed.

It is interesting, and a little comforting, to know that even now my character, my heart, continues to change. Hopefully it is for the best. i do not know what changes, good or ill, will occur on the morrow, however, i hope that it is for a deeper "wildness," a greater strength to be both "gentle" and "safe" for those i love, thus becoming more dangerous to those who would do ill, and a lively imagination and mischievousness that always brings a taste of spice to the tongue.

The Return...

2006-06-16T13:53:00.000-07:00

i apologize one and to all for my absence... my return from the luxorious mountains of South America was met with the ravishing demons of necessity and labor... that and a dying plant that my friend didn't know i had, and therefore never watered during my absence.

i started rehearsals for a theatre production on the night of my return. The show is Heaven Can Wait; the movies Heaven Can Wait and Here Comes Mr Jordan are both based on the play. My role is Joe, a good-natured, saxophone playing boxer. My squad at work wants to come see it...

"Sarg, can i have the next two nights off?"
"What for?"
"I'm in a theatre production."
"What's the show?"
"Heaven Can Wait."
"Isn't that the show about the boxer?"
"Yes, Sarg, it is."
"And what part do you play?"
"The boxer."
"Hm..." as he puts down his paperwork, "must be the featherweight division."

"Hey, man, can i get some tickets to you threatre show?"
"No, Larry, its ok, you really don't need to come."
"No, seriously. Because i need a good laugh."
"Really, you don't need to come."
"You could act like James Earl Jones... you could outshine Brad Pitt, but i'll still sit in the back and laugh my ass off watching you play a boxer."
"Thank you, Larry... hope you don't need a backer on any of your calls tonight."

Show opens tonight... if my squad mates actually show up like they are threatening... think i might need to go on stage armed.

In other news... work has been unusually busy. Also had my first jury trial testimony the other day. After two years i finally get to testify in something other than a prelim. Majority of my cases settle out of court. Some openings have come up in detective division and the SOT team (our version of SWAT). Don't have the time on required for the positions, but applying anyway so they at least know my name for the future.

Well, Santiago was beautiful... left a piece of my heart behind. It is good to be back home however. i had to hook up an IV to my plant to bring it back to life. Oh, and i forget to mention, i got reprimanded by the US Customs Agent coming back into the country for bringing home so many bottles of wine. Let me keep it, thankfully. That was a heavy carry on bag. Pictures will follow...

The View from Santa Lucia...

2006-05-24T09:54:00.000-07:00

Greetings to all from Santiago. This morning i woke up, held a steaming cup of tea, and stared at the sun rising from the Andes... mmm...

Yesterday i had a most wonderful day. I climbed to the top of Santa Lucia in the center of Santiago. My view from its crest was most breathtaking... and seeing the city and the mountains from that height was nice too...

Later i wrapped my arms around a Chilean Beauty and gazed off at the sun blanketing the mountains with a soft glow as it descended to its bed in the valley of the Andes.

This country is one of exquisite beauty... tomorrow i will journey to a tiny town in surrounded by the mountains. The streets of this town sparkle with flecks of gold, silver, and copper that wash down from the surrounding peaks. Tomorrow i venture to where the streets have no name... this is Gods country...

A present for me...

2006-05-18T23:09:00.000-07:00

After working entirely too much for the last several weeks i decided that it was time to buy myself another present... and so i did. After purchasing this particular gift, one that has been on my heart for a very long time, i decided to take it over to my parents house to show it to them. As i walk in the door and tell them i have a new toy that i can't wait to show them my mother promptly interrupts me and confidently states...

"Its a gun."

"Now how would you possibly know that?"
"Because i only see that smile on your face if its a gun or a girl."

Hm... i believe that my mother knows me frighteningly too well. She is also the only person to i can never lie to and get away with it. She once told me that i was the best lier that she knew, but that she could still always tell when i fibbed. After trying a couple of times i eventually just gave up. But that's off the topic...

i bought myself a new gun! It is a .44 cal. black powder, ball and cap, 1851 Navy issue replica. It. Is. Beautiful.

Also pictured is the Savoy humidor i purchased a little while back. As you can see i have been employing it well. There is a bottom row that is stocked with various cigars of a full-bodied blend that need to age a bit longer. The humidor itself holds a maximum of 125-150 cigars... which is good because my friend down in Santiago, Chile informed me that she has found me a cigar shop that sells... um... certain cigars that you... "have a difficult time finding" here in the States. (and i will leave it at that.) SoOo, i will be begging her to bring some (did i say some, i meant dozens...) back to the States with her for me.

On other notes... i recieved my acceptance letter to Oklahoma State University the other day. Classes start in August. If all goes well i should graduate with a Masters in Psych and my LPC within 2, to 2.5 years. After that it is either on to a Doctorate or the Feds. Also, recieved a phone call the other day from a local community theatre. They were in need of someone to play the lead role in "Heaven Can Wait." Someone dropped my name and they offered me the part. In rehearsals now, show opens in June.

Watched Mr and Mrs M's house while they were visiting Raoul and Jayhawk. Mr M left me a note which said, among other things... "Always check glove boxes" and "Bourbon in the cabinet." i just wanted to state for the record that i thought it was extremely wise advise and prompty dra-, er, accepted it.

On that note...

Happy Birthday Bono

2006-05-10T21:23:00.000-07:00

Its a "beautiful day", don't let it slip away

a day that i must embrace

"with or without you"

yet as i walk alone "where the streets have no name"

i realize "all i want is you"

hoping one day for a "miracle drug"

to take away the pain that is "all because of you"

after so long "i still haven't found what i'm looking for"

yet still "i will follow" you

maybe one day i'll reach "God's country"

and there on that "Sunday, bloody Sunday"

"the unforgettable fire" will consume our souls

only then will our "two hearts beat as one"

when we "surrender" to our "desire"

our spirits will be "one step closer"

to the "vertigo"

the "elevation"

that can only exist between "a man and a woman"

10-63

2006-05-03T20:19:00.000-07:00

It is 230 and i can't sleep. (my 230... which is PM for all of you "normal" people) My mind keeps playing an event that occurred at work tonight. Let me back up a few... Last Friday night I had a dream. In this dream my buddy Larry was dragging me into the ER of St. Francis Hosp.. Now in Tulsa we have single man units, however, there is generally a guy in the squad that you team up with and stick around. You back each other on calls, and keep an eye out for each other. They would be the guy you would have as a partner if there were two man units. Larry is that guy for me. So anyway here Larry is dragging me into the ER and i'm bleeding all over the floor. i've been shot. Six times. Rifle shots, so they penetrate the ballistic vest. Three of the rounds were stopped by my center tac plate, however (i bought a larger one than the departmental issue). Doesn't keep ribs from breaking, but stops the round. Well, these Drs and RNs start crowding around and shouting, doing their thing. i know them. They know me. The hospital is in my squad so i am always up there hiding out and wreaking mischievous havoc in the ER. In my dream my friends are working on me and whispering to me, "hang in there, we've got you. You're going to be alright." Their eyes are saying, "don't you leave," and are filled with a worry that wouldn't be there had i just been some anonymous patient. My eyes close... ...and open to white light streaming into my room through the blanket draped over my window. For a while i just lie there and slowly move my hand over my chest... over six wounds that aren't there. A few hours later i load a gun and don a crisp, freshly cleaned and pressed uniform. The night is slow. i'm running radar at one of my spots when i notice a vehicle circling a parking lot of a nearby bank. Something about it just isn't right, and not because they are nowhere near the 24hr ATM. i see someone get inside and the vehicle pulls out of the parking lot. The vehicle had continual headlights, but the driver never engaged the night-lights, so the entire rear of the vehicle was black; no tail lights, no tag lights, no parking lights. Good enough for me. i nab the vehicle within a couple of blocks and pull into an empty parking lot. Check out on the radio and i hear Larry come on to back me. As i approach the vehicle i can see the passenger rummaging in her purse, and the driver saying something. Not that uncommon. Both occupants are very nervous, i can tell that within seconds. Driver is making sure i am well aware that it isn't his vehicle; he's just borrowing it from a friend of his. Says he doesn't know where the insurance is. When i ask them what they were doing at the bank they said they were having an argument. i get the driver's license from the driver, and the passenger says she doesn't have any ID, gives me her name and DOB instead. i tell the driver to open the glove box and see if his friend keeps the insurance in there. He opens it and quickly pulls out the maintenance manual and closes the glove box. That's when i missed it...

The driver opens the manual and without really looking inside says that the insurance isn't in there. He places it on the dashboard rather than back inside the glove box. By this point Larry has arrived. We go back to my unit, conduct background checks on the vehicle and occupants, and watch. The two in the vehicle keep leaning over each other and kissing. Afterwards they look back at us, without trying to look like they are looking back at us. Larry and i both know they are trying to hide something. We both think CDS (controlled dangerous substance, i.e. drugs). i tell Larry that i want to search the vehicle and as we are discussing how we can go about doing that the driver's license comes back suspended. There's our pass. The girl comes back not on file. Had a hard time believing that.

Larry and i re-approach the vehicle and i inform the driver that his license is suspended. He starts getting very anxious. Something really isn't right. Now, whenever i think there is CDS in the vehicle, i ask if there are any guns, and vice-versa.
"Hey man, you have any guns in the car?"
"No sir, this isn't my car." (eyes are a lot larger than they should be)
"So there aren't any guns? You mind if i search the car for guns?"
"This isn't my car."
"Right. Your license is suspended. Step out of the vehicle."

They both get out and Larry and i have to tell them several times to stand back towards our units. Larry stands between them and me as i search the vehicle. Driver's side is good. Passenger's side, find an ID for the female. Different name than the one she gave me. Sucks for her. Opened the glove box. Saw the manual that the driver must have placed back in there while i was back in my unit. Pull it out and look underneath... that's when time slowed... 10-63.

My gun is out and Larry's quickly follows. Much screaming ensues. We quickly get them both into custody. 10-64.

Larry searches the driver while i go back up to the glove box of his vehicle and recover the 9mm that was under the maintenance manual. The same manual the driver grabbed when i told him to open the glove box. Larry found the fully charged magazine. At some point the driver had removed it from the gun. Probably when the two of them were "kissing."

Several hours later and i find myself sitting in my unit in an empty parking lot on top of this small hill. i'm watching southwestern clouds roll in, lightning flashing in their midst. The rain is barely falling and my window is down. Between flashes of lightning i stare at the rosary hanging from my rearview mirror. The "what ifs" keep trying to creep into my head and i keep fighting them. Can't live this job on "what ifs." There's no time to.

So at 230 i finally stop running my hand along my chest feeling for six wounds that aren't there and get out of bed. In a few more hours i will load my gun and don my uniform...

The end of the GRE...

2006-04-22T12:25:00.000-07:00

Thursday morning i took a drive through the city. There was no real destination or stop in mind. The reality was that i had spent the last 24 hours staring at my computer attempting to understand various mathematical principles. Sadly, not even the explanations to the answers were making any sense. So i decided that the best thing for me to do was get in the car and just drive for a little while. Figured it was a better (not to mention safer) stress relief than drinking lots and lots of scotch. (though with the currect cost of gasoline it would have been cheaper to consume the scotch!) After my drive i returned to my twilight zone experience of studying for the GRE.

The test itself reared a rather ugly head and several times i had to fight the trained response to physically attack the threat. i found my hand subconsciously feeling for the area where my sidearm usually resides. Suppose the foresight that this stimuli/response action would occur thus leading me to leave the weapon in my car proved to be an intelligent move. i can only imagine the headlines... "Tulsa Police Officer Initiates Deadly Force on GRE Test... Officer stated that he was 'in fear for his life'."

At the conclusion of the test i was given my scores for the analytical and quantitative parts of the test. The scores were 600 and 590. The scores for the two essays won't come in for another two weeks. I have no clue how good or poor those scores are... however i was told that they were good for only having two days preperation, not to mention being two years out of college and not having had a math course in six years. To add insult to injury, i recieved a message from an admissions counselor in the grad program i'm looking into at OSU. She said that i could have taken the Millsat test instead. Apparently that test focuses more on the subject area that i am involved in. Chances are i would have done better on that test. Figures.

So here i am with a GRE under the belt, feeling much like a millstone has been removed from my back, and i decide that i need to treat myself. It is time for a present. i had the fortunate blessing to come into some money and figured i should put it to good use. There is no wife, not even a girlfriend in my life... no children... bills are being paid... figured now was the best time to buy myself an expensive gift. Hooked up with my buddy J who owns a cafe and a cigar store and spent a couple hours studying something that wasn't related to geometry, algebra, or some other form of math. Now J is like a role model of sorts for me. He owns two stores, has a beautiful wife pregnant with their second child, and has a lot of culture and class. Not to mention he is just an all around fun guy. We met up at his cigar shop and i proceeded to purchase a beautiful humidor. It is a dark red wood with a glass top and humidity gauge built into the front. It can hold roughly 125 cigars. Once we got the humidor squared away it was time to properly stock it. J picked out 18 different cigars, two of each, of various sizes, body, and countries. Some of the best cigars were from his own collection. We had a lesson on how to age cigars, and which types are the best with different meals, drinks, and temperatures. All in all, i'm set for a long time. Which is good because some of the cigars i got still need a couple more years of aging. i must say it was a great way to unwind after taking that horrendous GRE.

Now can someone smarter than me please tell me if those were decent scores?

Lent, the final day...

2006-04-15T00:21:00.000-07:00

Good Friday is over, and the Easter Vigil awaits... thus ending Lent. Needless to say i am taking off Monday night and my friends at work are taking me out.

Many interesting thoughts have traveled through my mind since last i wrote... the range of which has been slightly extraordinary. Such range starting with, "i'm going to kill my cats..." and ending with, "the socio, cultural, and moral aspects of contraceptives..." Sometimes, more often than not, my mind is a beehive swarming with individual thoughts, each trying to create its own vintage of honey... the activity is busiest when sleep is the most desirable... figures.

i find that money frustrates me to an almost ulcer-producing level. It is not the lack or abundance thereof, more so the necessity. If i could have my way, i would go to my job two days a week, spend another two in a lab/classroom studying the human mind alongside Raoul, spend another day within the federal government in the pursuit of violent repeat criminal offenders, (profiling serial killers, sex crimes, etc.), and spend my Sundays studying religion. My free time would be spent in the theatre, and conducting marriage counseling. There would also be several sabbaticals in which i would write books, and maybe produce/act in a few movies. Politics would eventually follow later on after i gained enough experience to somewhat know what i was talking about on various issues. There would also be much traveling to foreign countries, and additional university time spent on philosophy, accounting, English, and foreign languages.

The reality is that although i attempt to accomplish as much of this as i currently can, i find that many doors remain shut due to financial or spatial reasons. It is not possible for me to work a job two days a week and still purchase food and shelter. It is not possible for me to study the human miracle at a good university with Raoul, and still live and work where i am. Nor is it possible or affordable to once again become a full time student, and yet travel to foreign countries, or be involved in politics or large-scale criminal investigations. If i didn't have to worry about basic cost of living expenses, student loans, work for reasons of necessity, i feel like i could accomplish so much more. i suppose the challenge is learning how to accomplish the most possible with the choices that you have made, and learn to make choices in the future that will promote an increasingly fertile environment to produce more of what i desire to accomplish.

Hm... that was a rather interesting vent... (debating whether or not i should delete all of that)

Well, my task force assignment has ended and i am back on regular assignment... which means i am back on graveyard shift and answering calls. i must say i got kind of spoiled not answering calls for service, going to work in jeans, and doing all of the exciting aspects of the job, i.e. running through a graveyard chasing bad guys/kicking down the doors to houses with guns blazing. (Note - we will NOT be publishing my mother's comments on the task force assignment ending.)

My friends at work have scheduled me for another blind date... Although i had a choice in the matter, i don't think i really had a choice in the matter. It should be interesting regardless. i shall mention all the details afterwards (unless of course those details would produce a certain degree of embarrassment or otherwise reflect overly negative upon the lady... if its really bad i'll just say i used Mr. M's excuse of an "asthma attack")

i am feeling the increasing desire to return to Chile again soon. It was a very beautiful country with very beautiful people. (and i am not simply referring to the young ladies! though, granted, there were quite a few of those. South/Central American women have such an exquisite beauty about them, as i am sure Quijote can agree) I have decided to apply myself in learning the language, and have recently started estudio espanol, along with the GRE (which i am frightfully taking next week.)

Such as it is i will be looking forward to the near conclusion of Lent because my desire for an excellent glass of red wine has grown considerably over the past several weeks. And speaking of wine and the GRE, i found it rather humorous that a friend of mine whom i asked to write a recommendation for my grad school app mentioned that my greatest weaknesses where women, wine and cigars... in that order. It is yet to be determined whether it was funny because it was written on the grad school app for counseling psychology, or the fact that for all intensive purposes it is essentially accurate.

Lent, the blind date, the shoulder, and presbyterian church...

2006-04-03T20:57:00.000-07:00

Yes, Lent continues on...

i must say that i find it ironic that since Lent, and thus my abandonment of alcohol, began i have been struck with several instances in which i wanted nothing more than a glass of scotch... or pinot... or vodka. i know that once Lent is over with the frustrating situations that have plagued my life will disapear and i will no longer have such a desire for a shot of vodka. Though i imagine i will still be craving a glass of pinot...

Went on a date tonight... or, more accurately, attempted to go on a date tonight. She didn't come. Which was slightly disheartening... Though i can't really blame her because it was really an issue of miscommunication. Not that that makes it any less disheartening. The reality is that i am just frustrating with the whole "dating" animal. Its time i pulled out my shotgun and hunted the beast... (and to answer Valparaiso check the previous blog's comments)

Yeah, so last week/weekend was very painful. i noticed about a week and a half ago that there was a small red bump on my shoulder. i didn't think anything of it until i got off the plane in Virginia and my whole arm and shoulder were throbbing with pain. The next four days of my vacation were plagued by this bump on my shoulder that continued to grow in size and its production of pain. It was constant. By the time i flew home i needed someone to carry my luggage. It was about five inches long and almost two inches deep (though i couldn't really tell how deep it was). Saw the Dr. about it first thing in the morning. Discovered it was some kind of cyst or absese or some other medical term which meant "blood pooling." Doc took a look at it and said, "Yeah, we're going to need to lance that." To which i responded,

"You going to what that?"
"I'm going to have to lanc-.... you're not armed are you?"
"No, Doc. Can't even lift a gun it hurts so bad."
"Oh, okay. I'm going to take a scapel and cut your shoulder open to drain the blood."
"Oh! Yeah! You will be knocking me out first."
"Local anesthetic is the best i can do."
"Yeah, you're lucky i'm not armed."

Doc then proceeded to stab me in the shoulder with the anesthetic which took the edge off of what was a very painful little cut. And the blood flowed... oh did it ever flow... The nurse said to me that it looked extremely painful and that if she was having it done she would be screaming. i casually mentioned that if she wasn't in the room and it was just me and the Doc, i would be screaming; but being as she was there i had to maintain a certain level of masculine and law enforcement dignity. i succeded... barely. The shoulder is doing much better now, and i was given hydrocodone (hallelujia chorus). i wasn't supposed to return to work until several days later, after my check up, but i was bored and went back to work anyway. We were running another search warrant and i didn't want to miss out on the fun. Sarg said i could go as long as i wasn't taking any heavy meds like hydrocodone. Yes, he specifically stated "hydrocodone." I casually stated that i hadn't taken any since lunch. Yeah, i was put at the back of the line.

The warrant itself was actually pretty funny because when we served it no one was home. So we all waited inside and whenever someone showed up and opened the door they were greeted with a dozen guns pointed at them. Really wish i would have had a camera for the facial expressions!

Anyway, went back for my check up and the Doc was suprized that my shoulder had healed so well. Apparently the bug he thought caused it wasn't actually it and he had given me the wrong antibiotic. Oh well, its all good now. i'm back to chasing bad guys... and desecrating graves.

Okay, i suppose that needs an explenation. We were hunting these two armed robbery/attempted homicide suspects. We knew one was in a car that we were tailing and we thought the other one was in this house that butted up against a graveyard. Some of our guys were following the car while one of our guys was hiding behind a tombstone. I was behind a building waiting for the green light from the guy in the graveyard. Next thing i know, buddy is yelling in the radio that the Suspect has left the house, spotted him, and is aggressing him in the graveyard. So another guy and myself and haul A over there, hop out of our cars, and start running through this graveyard at 2am, jumping over tombstones chasing this guy. The suspect sees he's outnumbered and begins running away... and promptly disapears. i mean, this guy just vanishes. Upside was that five minutes later we stopped the car and both the Suspects we were looking for were inside. Still have no idea where the poltergiest went.

On a calmer side of life i decided to visit a presbyterian church this past week. Suppose i must blame Raoul for that. I had a good conversation with the pastor and the congregation seemed suprisingly friendlier than i had expected. Of, course, what i really enjoyed was that a bunch of the guys like to hang out, drink german beer, smoke cigars, and discuss various intellectual topics. Now thats something i can get into. Ah, well, we'll see how it goes....

Lent... and the Revelations of a Search Warrant...

2006-03-23T23:55:00.000-08:00

i returned to work this week and hit the ground running... and i am speaking literally. As in running towards a house, breaking down the door, and putting everyone inside to the ground at gunpoint. Did that twice this week. Had to ignore the dream that i had the night before where my gun didn't work. Hate those dreams...

Both warrants were a success. Found lots of drugs. More than i had seen in one place in a long time. Had an interesting thought however, on both warrants... here i am completely destroying these people's houses, i mean pulling shelves out and just dumping the contents on the bed, flipping mattresses, removing everything from closets... by the time we are done the house looks like a tornado literally went through it. It will take weeks to clean what we messed up. i am sitting there starting to feel bad when it hits me, "the guy whose house i'm destroying has enough crack cocaine to qualify as the legal trafficing limit... 18x!! Screw him! He is helping destroy people's lives... it is nothing for me to walk on his laundry. This is what i have sworn to do."

You can watch all of this stuff on sit-coms and movies... but until you sit through a debrief, load up in an unmarked van, everybody jumping out at the same time, running up on the house, everyone screaming "Police!" ramming the door guns pointed everywhere... thats when you truly experience it. And you never think about it until its over...

Last week there were shootings at a grocery store and a fast food joint. My father gave me a hard time for being so adamant about bringing my gun to my cousin's wedding in Miami, Fl. He later told me that he was glad i had it after we walking through some shady parts of town. i once heard it described as the "sheepdog complex." Good citizens are the sheep, evil people are the wolves who prey on the sheep. The Police are the sheepdogs. The sheep don't want the sheepdogs in thier midst. The sheep always keep the sheepdogs on the outside of the circle. but as soon as the wolf shows up, all the sheep start running behind the sheepdog.

i choose this. So don't think by any means that i'm complaining or seeking some type of pity. i guess the nature of the life encourages loneliness... which is one of the reasons i so value the friendships that i have outside of the law enforcement life... they keep me sane... (and i use the word "sane" very very loosly... heh heh heh) i love what i do... and all i want is to make sure that my mum sleeps peacefully at night. That and the naive "make a difference in someone's life" thing.

Lent continues... and my Grandmother passes...

2006-03-18T21:45:00.000-08:00

On 031506 at approximately 0515 hours Emilia Catarina passed from this life into the next. Two of her four daughters were present with her, holding each of her hands. Grandma's funeral was held on St. Patrick's Day...

My Grandmother used to always sing, and always pray... and so at her funeral i sang prayers over her... The Lord's Prayer... and Ave Maria.

Emilia had such intense spirit about her. It is seen in every memory of every person who crossed her path. She was the Mother of our family... bearing six children, who bore fourteen grandchildren, who are now bearing great-grandchildren... (i believe the count is seven so far...)

Grandma... i don't know if there are any horse race tracks in Heaven... but if there are, i have no doubt that you have already found yourself a front row seat and have begun taking bets!

Here's to you Grandma!

Lent, and my grandmother, continue on...

2006-03-09T21:39:00.000-08:00

You would think that a 93 year old woman with cancer ravaging through her body would be crying out, "Dear Lord, take me home!" And if it were any other woman other than an Italian one, you would be correct. Italian women are different however... very, very different.

A month ago my grandmother, Amelia, was knocking at death's door. Granted she was knocking with the back of her heels, but she was still knocking. The whole family came in, from everywhere. I hadn't seen the entire family get together like this in decades. And while everyone is trying to say goodbye to grandma, she just casually demands she doesn't like the doctor and wants someone to take her home. Have i mentioned that Italian women are also the most stubborn women in the world? Yes, this 93 year old with cancer of the liver, spine and ribs refused to be satisfied until she was back home with grandpa and away from the doctor. So she got her way... and kept on living. So the whole family went back to their homes at various spots across the country.

Then a week ago the continuous care RN tells us that grandma is about to die, that she is knocking on death's door. And if it had been any other woman other than an Italian, the RN would have been right. But this woman was Italian, and they knock on death's door with the back of their heels. So, once again, the whole family flew in from all over to say their goodbyes to this dear woman... who stubbornly decided that she wanted an new RN. So she got a new RN. And the whole family flew back home.

Now don't get me wrong... i'm not counting down the days to dear ol' mum's death... i just don't want to see her in pain any more. i mean, this woman is in a lot of pain from the cancer, and just plain old age. Yet this woman is so stubborn that she refuses to let go... and that gives me an odd sense of pride. We can learn a lot about who we are and where we have come from by peering into the depths of our family history, by staring at the character of our parents and grandparents. i, obviously, never knew my grandmother when she was my age, but i get the feeling that she was quite the mischevious little lady. You know, for almost seven decades everyone, including grandma, thought that she was one year younger than grandpa? We found a copy of her birth certificate a few years back. Turns out she's two years older than him. She lied to him about her age when they first met. This crazy Italian woman kept up the lie so long that she eventually forgot about it and believed it herself!

I still remember the last conversation that i had with Grandma, leaning over her as she lay in the bed at the hospice. We were the only two in the room at the time. Figured i would take this opportunity to say my last goodbye to such a strong matriarchal figure in our family. So many people never get to say "I love you," to those that are close to them before they die. I wasn't going to miss that opportunity. Apparently my grandmother, like any good Italian grandmother lying on her deathbed, wasn't going to miss the opportunity either...

"I love you, Grandma."
"Are you married yet?!"
"What? Um... no, not yet."
"Well are you getting married soon?!"
"Um... no, not that i'm aware of..."
"Why not?"
"Um..."
"Where's your girlfriend?"
"Um, well, Grandma, i don't actually have a girlfriend right now..."
"No girlfriend?! Sigh... you need to get married."
"Okay, Grandma, i promise i will. I really want to, just trying to find the right lady. I love you, Grandma."
"Anthony..."
"Yes, Grandma?"
"Sneak me out of this hospital, take me home."
"I'll see what i can do, Grandma. I love you."

Glad she had her priorities straight; gotta love her!

Lent and the taco girl

2006-03-06T22:53:00.000-08:00

It is only one week into Lent and i have already decided that alcohol was a BAD thing to give up! Sigh. It is going to be a looong forty days.

On a completely different note... i came to the realization that i am a very boring individual. Seriously. I was working an extra job the other night at the hockey game (which the Oilers "surprisingly" lost... again...) and as the crowd was mingling out after the game this woman came up to me and handed me this coupon for a free taco at Taco Bueno. She said it was from the tall skinny blonde girl. I immediately became offended thinking, "so you think i'm too skinny to be a cop and need to eat more, huh?! punk!" and threw the coupon on a seat. (please, don't comment... i know, i know.)

So i went back to the seat and looked on the other side of the coupon and discovered a note. "You are so adorable. 555-####, 'name'." Now because the planets were aligned in a specific cosmic pattern for the first time in 5 millinia i did something completely unlike me and actually called this mystery girl while i was on my way home... and because a series of asteroids that haven't been seen in 10 millinia flew past Pluto i did something even more unlike me and agreed to meet her and her friend at a local bar.

I know this bar. i know it very well. This particular bar happens to be in my beat. This would be the same bar where i got into the fight with the six angry drunk Canadians. That was an experience. Needless to say, i know almost all of the employees. The place is always crowded, and this particular night more so because there was a band playing. I have never been to this place off-duty.

I got to the joint first and attempted to play it cool. I hung out with the girl collecting the cover at the door. Known her for a long time so didn't have to worry about the cover. Go to the bar and attempt to buy a beer so i can "blend in". This one girl by the bar is talking to me a lot and making jokes. i'm not terribly sure is she was flirting or intoxicated, or both, but regardless she was nice. She asked me what i was drinking and it suddenly occurred to be that nobody serves Lienenkugals in this crazy state. So i stuck with a Bud. Which earned me another laugh from the crazy drunk girl. Who then turned around, bought me the beer, handed it to me smiling and said, "bet you don't get too many girls buying you the drink." I thanked the aligned planets for the low light and responded, "i don't go out much," which earned me yet another laugh and a, "I can tell, have a good night on me."

I went and hid behind my really hot friend taking cover charges at the door. Which didn't accomplish a whole lot because she just made fun of me too. When the girl who gave me her number showed up i got another drink with her and had a brief conversation. Nice girl. Pretty. TU student. ...and then i was drug out on to the dance floor. The planets were no longer aligned in my favor. But it was cool... i maintained confidence and plunged through. That is all confidence is really, plunging on regardless of fear, unfamiliarity, or discomfort. The dancing went very well actually. And it did feel good to be dancing with a pretty woman. It has been a while. Afterwards we parted ways and i said i'd call her. Maybe i will... but i don't think i'm her type.

Going out to bars, bar dancing, etc... just not my idea of a good time. Staying at home, cooking a meal, and watching a movie... good time. PAC... good time. Philbrook Museum, RedBud Valley, Riverwalk... good time. Which i have come to discover tends to place me in a "boring date" catagory. My buddy Larry at work says that i am too cultured for my age. Mainly because every time he pulls up next to me at work i'm listening to Beethovan and smoking a pipe or a Monte Cristo. That and because i really like Chilean and Italian wines. (fyi - Casellero del Diablo, Chilean, mmmmm... it is going to be a loooong Lent) Who knows... maybe i am a little too boring for my peers. I do enjoy a deep intellectual discussion. Unfortunately the only willing subject i have for such debates are my cats... and that's only because i feed them afterwards.

Its all good though. i enjoy my life... my pipe, my wine, my Beethovan collection... which is nothing rivaled to my U2 collection. (i still maintain that they are officially better and have done more for the music world than the Beatles) My mother says i need to go to church more... who knows, maybe i'll get a phone number on the back of an offering envelope...

protecting the innocent...

2006-03-01T00:14:00.000-08:00

there are evil evil men in this world.

let me clarify...

there are sick, disgusting, evil, evil, men in this world.

...and there is one less one the world needs to worry about.

the southside serial rapist has been apprehended. G.L.G. Jr.

i spent the night running search warrants on the residence... can't mention anything due to the legal aspect... but i must say, i felt like i needed a shower afterwards. scripture says woe to the man who attacks the little ones, it will be as if a millstone is hung about his neck and he is cast into the sea. this man preyed upon the little ones. the little ones that Christ said, suffer not to come unto Me. woe upon him who preys upon the little ones...

On other notes... my grandmother is not expected to live through the week. It has been difficult on everyone, but she will be better off leaving this world and entering Heaven. I would like to see her no longer in pain. Ah, the miracle of death.

I'm being transferred to an armed robbery task force. Going to miss going to work in jeans... oh well, should be fun.

Got a phone number from two different girls last week. One was a news crew girl that I ran into down at municipal court, and the other was at a cast party from a theatre show I was recently in. I haven't called either one. Went to dinner tonight with a friend of mine that I've known for a while. She is beautiful, but I can't bring myself to be in a relationship with her. I just have this nagging feeling that it wouldn't work out. Could just be my ongoing apprehension about committment. On other notes I am still keeping in contact with that really pretty girl from Santiago. Might have to fly back down there again. Maybe see Neruda's casa again... If anyone knows of any beautiful women that want an Italian guy, please let me know...

Until then, just know that there is one less evil person preying on the innocent.

25 - (and the fight with the one armed man)

2006-02-17T22:33:00.000-08:00

So my 25th birthday has come and gone... i am suddenly feeling older than i should. i figured out why today while i was having blood sucked out of my arm. seriously. i was at the red cross for my bi-weekly visit (apherisis, not whole blood; you can donate every 3 days - used for cancer patients, etc... suck the platelets from your bloodstream, put the blood back in). i was lying there on the bed with a hollowed out pencil in my arm chatting with the very pretty girl donating next to me. it was then that i realized i felt old because i am 25 and not where i expected i would be at this age. 5 years ago i looked at 25 and thought by then i would have a nice house, a great job, a big dog, a beautiful wife with 2 or 3 years of marriage under us, maybe a little bambino on the way...

reality... i have a great job. a really great job.

and speaking of that great job... i got into a fight with a one armed man the other night. ok, so he wasn't exactly one armed. his left arm was in a cast. which had the dual difficultly of making him unable to handcuff, and giving him a weapon. this guy wouldn't stop either. at one point i was sitting on top of him and he was still going at it. we finally got some flex cuffs and were able to restrain him. but not until after we attempted to handcuff his good arm to his belt... which didn't work. actually, it gave him a second weapon because his belt broke. yeah. that left him with a club for one arm, and a metal cuff in the other. yeah.

but back to the original topic... i have a great job... but don't have the wife, house, dog or bambino on the way. (actually, could probably do without the latter for a little while longer now that i think about it). and really, not having all of that isn't that bad... its just that since i thought i would by now, not having them makes me feel old, or unaccomplished or something. i could also be feeling this way because my grandmother is dying and so death is on the brain... hm... well, let's not open that can o' worms.

i have started one good thing so far... been returning to church/mass. i mean, i sit by myself in the back. everyone kinda keeps there distance from me. not that i blame them really. i go to mass right before work so i am in uniform. i do get a kick out of telling people "peace be with you" with a gun on my hip! ha! actually, this one girl came up and introduced herself, stating that she had seen me there the past few sundays and wanted to make me feel welcome or something. thought it was nice. it does feel good to be back in church. something about it just feels right.

i suppose within all the chaos that can be life (and i rather enjoy a little chaos at times, makes you feel alive) it is good to have something that feels so right.

should i be surprised its God?

Valentine's Day

2006-02-14T06:26:00.000-08:00

Valentine's day this year seems rather unsettling. Maybe depressing is the more apt description. Which is unusual because I normally love this holiday... or is it my birthday? Either way, both events seem to be rather disappointing and I would much prefer to push them away for a few more weeks, giving me time to adequately prepare for them.

On a much more different note... I have found that I greatly miss theological discussions. I found them quite stimulating to my emotionally, intellectual and spiritual beings. The majority of my conversations of late have been with crack addicts and really beautiful young ladies who all happen to also have boyfriends. Hmm... I need to get out more...

Well, anyway, for those few of you that will soon know (or care) that this site even exists now... enjoy... or whatever.